Snapp Secrets

 Snapp secret... I've always been envious of the southern families I see on tv. You know the ones. The ones where Sunday dinner means dinner with all the cousins and aunts and uncles. The ones where graduation means the whole family comes to celebrate. The ones where the whole family, grandma and cousins included lives within a few blocks of one another. My family has never been close. Due to a lot of sin and a lot of hurt feelings I've never had much of a relationship with my siblings and their children or even my parents siblings and their children. We reap what we sow. And the good Lord knows I have done my fair share of separation away from my family. Equally the good Lord knows that my family has separated from eachother and it has nothing to do with me.  Part of me thinks this is natural for midwestern modern day families. We move apart, have differing views, differing schedules and we all skedaddle apart. But in my heart sometimes it hurts.  I have this crazy dream...

 Snapp secret... sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I feel Gods presence and his comfort surround me. It surrounds me almost like being wrapped up in a heated blanket. Or being hugged by the one person you need it from the most. He is with me and it feels good. I didn't have this feeling before I was baptized in 2024. In fact the opposite was true. I would wake up and feel great fear. So much fear that I couldn't go back to sleep. But since my baptism I have felt a comfort when I wake up in the night. A comfort that lets me know God is here, and God is with me. I was talking to my family members yesterday and I spoke about how I feel God when I sing and play violin. So much so that it sounds foreign to me when I hear from people that don't feel his presence when they perform music.  I think we all have the blessing to experience Gods presence one way or another. It takes accepting God into our lives first though. Some people experience it through connecting ...

 Snapp Secret... I hate harvesting in July. Today is July ninth and today I had to harvest my lavender. I avoided harvesting it like the plague. It was so beautiful and purple and made my garden smell amazing. Every time I went to my garden to work I made sure to brush my hand on the lavender just to get a bit of its aroma on me. But that time has come to an end because in July we harvest lavender. Harvest season is nice because you get to finally taste what you grew, you get to share your produce with others, and sometimes you get money. For all these reasons alone I should love harvest. After all a little food and a little money doesn't hurt. But reader if I'm being honest with you, it makes me sad. Harvest reminds me of death. Harvest reminds me of my grandma Eva dying when I was 7 years old in the harvest season. Harvest reminds me of the lack of sun that will follow for three months. Harvest reminds me of my suicide attempt in 2016.  I've done countless hours of therap...