The harvest that I dread

Snapp Secret... I hate harvesting in July. Today is July ninth and today I had to harvest my lavender. I avoided harvesting it like the plague. It was so beautiful and purple and made my garden smell amazing. Every time I went to my garden to work I made sure to brush my hand on the lavender just to get a bit of its aroma on me. But that time has come to an end because in July we harvest lavender.

Harvest season is nice because you get to finally taste what you grew, you get to share your produce with others, and sometimes you get money. For all these reasons alone I should love harvest. After all a little food and a little money doesn't hurt.

But reader if I'm being honest with you, it makes me sad. Harvest reminds me of death. Harvest reminds me of my grandma Eva dying when I was 7 years old in the harvest season. Harvest reminds me of the lack of sun that will follow for three months. Harvest reminds me of my suicide attempt in 2016.

I've done countless hours of therapy around all of this and the therapist says I've graduated from therapy, because I don't cry anymore in my sessions and I don't want to kill myself anymore. But I don't feel like a graduate. I feel like a wounded child that year after year gets beaten down by Mother Nature.

They say to enjoy the sun you must have rain. I wonder if that's why God makes the Midwest grey and brown in the winter. To give the world a little sadness so we could thrive and feel utter bliss in the spring. I've heard it's normal to feel a little sadness throughout the year. But in 2025 when we have a pill for everything I wish I could just take a pill and go to sleep in a nice comfy bed from harvest until st Patrick's day.

But this time does not call for pills and it doesn't call for therapy. It calls for what I term "embracing the suck." Or embracing sucky situations and feeling my feelings so I can use them to be creative. So that I might feel the spring bliss. After all spring glee is not as happy if it doesn't come after winter blues.

So embrace the suck I shall. Bring on the harvest. Bring on the fall. Bring on the bounty of food we can serve at thanksgiving and Christmas. Bring on the money from the fields. Bring on the lavender bath salts. Bring it all on. In return I will bring on my creativity. My emotions. My talent. And I will learn to enjoy the harvest that I dread.

Comments

Why Not Be Kind?

Snapp secret... I think I might be out of the loop with the driving philosophy of the times. I have spent some time on social media lately and I have seen an overwhelming amount of posts directing people to be more selfish and isolated. To put themselves first before all others One such post said " In your 30s you will realize how much of your life was built to please others. It's very important to burn it all down and rebuild it for yourself." This is actually the exact philosophy of the church of satan. I'm not being coy when I say that. I actually have read through their whole philosophy and it is in their belief system to be selfish and not help others. This post, I mention, had thousands of likes and thousands of comments cheering for it. And all I felt when I read it was confused. I spent my youth being very selfish and not pleasing a single person but myself. If someone asked me to make them a meal I would have declined. If someone asked me to teach them how t...

What really is intellect?

Snapp Secret... I always score high on intelligence quotient tests, and I feel they are a terrible test of intelligence. For those of you who have never done an IQ test let me tell you a bit about them. They are tests to determine if you can solve a missing piece of a pattern and determine a correct word. Which is a wonderful test if you want to know if a child will fall in line and do data well. But I argue, intelligence is the ability to create something new. Unfortunately this isn't something any formed test can truly verify you have the ability to do. No, the real test is how time remembers you. Will you be remembered as the person who cured cancer? Will you be remembered as the person who saved the aquifers? Those people are the true genius' of our time. I have taught gifted children, as judged by iq tests, and there is a quality many of them possess. An inability to move on from failure. When they receive their first F they give up on a class. When they are...

The Pain of Forgivness

Snapp Secret... I wish I wasn't such an easy target for people to be disrespectful. My mom and I were talking the other day and she said my whole life it's been as though bullies were attracted to me. Similar to how abusive men have a type, well bullies have a type too. And I'm it. Bullies are drawn to me for the same reason children are drawn to me, because I am way too forgiving. I seem to have no boundaries and allow everyone to walk all over me. Usually instead of my bully saying sorry I will say sorry for setting a boundary. I'm sure you are wondering about examples, well here goes nothing. In high school a boy keyed my car because I wouldn't date him. I apologized to him that I didn't date him. In my 20s I had a woman go to hr to get me fired so that she could get my job. I apologized to her that I had been making so much more money than her. In 3rd grade on the basketball team my team mates would boo me any time I went to shoot the ball in practice. I ...

Snapp Secrets

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