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My time with America's Top Model

Snapp secret... I came close to having a completely different life. When I was about 21 years old America's Top Model scouted me and contacted me through myspace and arranged for me to go to an interview audition. They told me to bring a bikini picture and a clothed picture and a headshot picture with me. I had no bikini pictures of me at the time so I asked my dad to to take the picture. Yall nothing is more embarrassing than having your dad take bikini pictures of you. But we got the pics taken despite my utter and complete embarrassment.  I printed out the pics and drove myself to an interview audition. I arrived to a room of 200+ women. The staff escorted me to the front of the line, which made me feel like a big hot shot. They took me and a few other women to a private room and lined us all up. And immediatly told me to go home. I was not what they were looking for. I felt humiliated and ashamed of that moment for YEARS. I swore I would never tell anyone that story. But at 38 ...
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Mr. Dreamy

 Snapp Secret... there is a big difference between ironing a pair of pants for a man that tolerates you vs ironing a pair of pants for a man that loves you. To say the least, this entry is going to be very personal but I'm betting there is an unmarried woman out there that might value this story. Before Colt there were many men. Men who loved me, men who hated me, men who tolerated me, and there was Tony. Tony proposed to me a month into dating in the most dreamy of ways. Tony himself was dreamy. He had a profitable company, a loving family, he was practically a virgin, a Christian, an honest man, and Tony loved me.  Unfortunately like most dreamy things, I was in lala land in my belief that all of it was true, let alone him being an honest man. It was all a dream, none of it was real. The company wasn't reputable, his family was hateful, he was cheating on me, he was never honest, and Tony absolutely did not love me. I didn't know all of that though. Not until the very end...
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I'm Happy

 Snapp secret... my life is going really well right now. But I'm so used to dwelling on the negative that I almost didn't notice. It's almost like I was spending my days looking for negative things to happen, like I was so used to the bad happening that I forgot to even recognize how good today and now is. I think as a society we get stuck in that loop. The loop of always thinking our lives suck and times are hard. When I used to work the people I would work with would have competitions about who had life harder. Still to this day I have friend groups that do this. This competition of always having the harder life has even permeated our materialistic items. Don't believe me? Go to any craft fair and I guarantee you that there will be several booths of items for sale saying things like "mommy had a hard day, so it's wine o clock." Or "f' it all to he**." These booths will sell zero things that say "I love my family." Or "I can...
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The Pain of Forgivness

 Snapp Secret... I wish I wasn't such an easy target for people to be disrespectful. My mom and I were talking the other day and she said my whole life it's been as though bullies were attracted to me. Similar to how abusive men have a type, well bullies have a type too. And I'm it.  Bullies are drawn to me for the same reason children are drawn to me, because I am way too forgiving. I seem to have no boundaries and allow everyone to walk all over me. Usually instead of my bully saying sorry I will say sorry for setting a boundary.  I'm sure you are wondering about examples, well here goes nothing. In high school a boy keyed my car because I wouldn't date him. I apologized to him that I didn't date him. In my 20s I had a woman go to hr to get me fired so that she could get my job. I apologized to her that I had been making so much more money than her. In 3rd grade on the basketball team my team mates would boo me any time I went to shoot the ball in practice. I ...
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Why Not Be Kind?

 Snapp secret... I think I might be out of the loop with the driving philosophy of the times. I have spent some time on social media lately and I have seen an overwhelming amount of posts directing people to be more selfish and isolated. To put themselves first before all others One such post said " In your 30s you will realize how much of your life was built to please others. It's very important to burn it all down and rebuild it for yourself." This is actually the exact philosophy of the church of satan. I'm not being coy when I say that. I actually have read through their whole philosophy and it is in their belief system to be selfish and not help others. This post, I mention, had thousands of likes and thousands of comments cheering for it. And all I felt when I read it was confused. I spent my youth being very selfish and not pleasing a single person but myself. If someone asked me to make them a meal I would have declined. If someone asked me to teach them how t...
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A merciful God

 Snapp secret... I've done horrible things in my life, and God has shown me mercy. My life in my twenties and early thirties was a mess. I was not a person any parent, uncle, friend, teacher, would be proud of. I did things that to this day I am overcome with shame regarding. But still God showed me mercy and changed my heart and mind in a way that made me change my entire life to serve Him. Today I'm not going to talk about my past though. Instead I'm going to talk about God's mercy and the miracles that happen because of that mercy. I believe the story of Jesus and Paul is one of the most important lessons in history. For those unfamiliar with the story let me give you the cliff notes version. When you read the Bible and are introduced to Paul you quickly realize Paul is an evil person. Paul persecuted early Christian's and was present for the death of Christian's. Paul hated Christian's to his core.  Well one day Paul was walking on the road and all of a ...
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So much love.

 Snapp secret... I don't have children yet, but I already love my future children. I know that not all families planning for children are the same. But let me tell you about my family. Colt and I love, absolutely love our future children. We already have their names picked out. When we see children out and about doing things we say to each-other, "I hope Rosemary is like that." "I wonder if Tarragon will do that too." We think about them daily. They are a daily part of our conversation. We have an entire room dedicated to them already, and they aren't even here yet. I watched a teen girl be baptized at my church this weekend and it brought me to tears. Not tears of sadness but tears of happiness, tears of happiness for her and tears of happiness when I imagine Rosemary one day being baptized. One day Rosemary telling the world that her heart belongs to Christ.  I love Rosemary and Tarragon. I absolutely love them. I have so far had 4 miscarriages. And my ins...
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