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The Pain of Forgivness

 Snapp Secret... I wish I wasn't such an easy target for people to be disrespectful. My mom and I were talking the other day and she said my whole life it's been as though bullies were attracted to me. Similar to how abusive men have a type, well bullies have a type too. And I'm it. 


Bullies are drawn to me for the same reason children are drawn to me, because I am way too forgiving. I seem to have no boundaries and allow everyone to walk all over me. Usually instead of my bully saying sorry I will say sorry for setting a boundary. 


I'm sure you are wondering about examples, well here goes nothing.


In high school a boy keyed my car because I wouldn't date him. I apologized to him that I didn't date him. In my 20s I had a woman go to hr to get me fired so that she could get my job. I apologized to her that I had been making so much more money than her. In 3rd grade on the basketball team my team mates would boo me any time I went to shoot the ball in practice. I apologized to them for being bad shot.


The examples could go on for days. There are many. Bullies love targeting people who will forgive them and roll over for them. They see safety in that person. Bullying you allows them to get their frustration at life out. Bullying someone like me allows them to do that without losing a friend.


Children sense this in me as well and it makes them feel safe. They know no matter how they mess up I will always be a safe space for them to come back to. Which is very sweet and warming to my heart.


Because of this I would say my greatest flaw is also my greatest strength. It's funny how God gives us gifts that can also cause us pain. The apostles had the gift of gab which lead people to find Christ but also cost several apostles their lives. I have the ability to make children feel safe but also adults feel safe to hurt me. 


I would argue that God has this same quality. He is forgiving to the point where many Christian's will outright tell you that your works don't matter and your sins don't matter just belief in God is good enough to get you into heaven. Essentially they are saying "walk all over God and his laws, just douse them in fire and do what you want. He will forgive you." 


I think it's sad we treat God like this. The sense of entitlement humans feel to sin until their last dying breath despite reading The Bible is amazing. As I write this I know that I am also guilty of this. Maybe I am a bully to God. Maybe we all have a little bit of bully in us. 


There are natural consequences God has put in place for our sinfulness. Sexual immorality causes STD's. Murder causes imprisonment. Being jealous of a neighbor causes the loss of a friend. Every sin has a consequence. But there is always forgiveness even with the consequences. 


I'm going to take a page from God. I will continue to forgive but I will allow the natural consequences to take place. Instead of me apologizing and begging them to stay my friend I will allow the friendships to dissolve. After all bullying is burning the bridge. I don't need to put the fire out, I need to just step aside and not get burnt.


Just a little food for thought,


Lindsay Snapp







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